


Self-Isolation

by BelieveInNargles13



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A different deal is made, AU, F/F, Mostly friendship, Post-episode c2e93, but then some kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24890314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelieveInNargles13/pseuds/BelieveInNargles13
Summary: An alternate ending to campaign 2 episode 93 where a deal is made.  What might have happened if Beau had made a deal with the hag without consulting her friends?  How would they react when she told them her deal?  How would Beau deal with the consequences?
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 1
Kudos: 88





	1. The Deal

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying not to post anything new until I at least got another chapter of Sick of Losing Soulmates up, but this has been sitting in my documents folder since this episode aired and I just want to put it out there. Plus, the world is a mess right now so have some fanfic escape! This first chapter is really just a set up for chapter 2. Beau makes a deal and has to tell the rest of the Nein she is leaving. Chapter 2 is where I speculate on what Beau might have done had she been forced to leave the Nein and how she might have dealt with the isolation.

The Mighty Nein were all very anxious by the time Beau walked out of the witch's hut. As soon as they heard the door creak open, six heads snapped over, waiting to hear what had transpired. It had been almost 15 minutes since she had gone in and they all feared the worst. When she stepped over the threshold, her eyes were dry, but they were red and puffy. She didn’t look directly at anyone, but walked right over to Nott and knelt down to her level. 

“Your curse is broken,” she said with a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “You can be a halfling again. Whenever you’re ready. You’ll be the best mom to that little boy. I think-" she choked on her own words. “I think he and TJ could be the best of friends. Try and get them together every so often, okay?”

“Okay,” Nott said, clearly confused. “I mean, thank you, Beau. I’m forever in debt to you now, but… why are you saying it like that? What deal did you make?”

Beau just smiled, gave the goblin-for-not-much-longer a hug, and stood up. 

She then walked over to Caduceus, wrapping her arms around him as well. “Take care of them,” she said after pulling apart. She wondered if he had figured out what her deal was yet. “They’re going to need your wisdom and level head.”

Caduceus just nodded. “Of course Miss Beau.”

“Captain,” she addressed as she walked over to Fjord. 

“First mate,” Fjord returned, not quite sure what to make of Beau’s actions. “What are you-“

Beau shook her head and cut him off. She was barely keeping it together. “I’m doing what has to be done. You have so much ahead of you, Fjord. I know the Wild Mother has big plans for your future. She chose well.”

She gave Fjord a hug before taking a few steps over to Yasha.

Yasha reached out and placed her hand on Beau’s cheek. She knew the look in Beau’s eyes was one of a person that was about to leave. “I just got back to you.”

Beau placed her had on top of Yasha’s and leaned into the touch. “I know. I’m sorry. But this is what has to be done. I’m the only one that can do it.”

“I can-“

“No. You’ve been through enough already. And you need to forgive yourself. They’ve already forgiven you,” she indicated the rest of the group. “You’re the front line now, Yasha. They need you, all of you, there.” She lifted onto her toes and leaned in to kiss Yasha’s cheek.

Caleb hugged her before she had the chance to hug him first. 

“You don’t have to do this, Beauregard. We can find another way.”

Beau held onto him tightly and breathed in his Caleb-smell. She almost laughed as she thought back to when they had all first met. When Caleb was the ‘stinky wizard’ and how the joke had lasted long past when he started to clean up on a regular basis. He had always been a good sport about the teasing though. 

Beau shook her head. “It’s too late. It’s been done. She’ll get her misery, and Nott, Veth, will get her body back. She needs you to help her do that.” Beau pulled two letters out and handed them to Caleb. “Umm… I’m not going to get the chance to say goodbye to anyone else. There’s one for my parents, and one for Dairon. Can you make sure they get them?”

Caleb nodded. As she started to walk away, he called back out to her. “Beau,” he waited until she turned back towards him. “I love you.”

That was what sent the first tear down her cheek. “I love you too, Caleb,” she practically whispered. 

Beau swallowed hard as she turned to the last member of the Mighty Nein. The goodbye she was dreading the most. The one that was going to be the most difficult. 

As she took a step towards her best friend, Jester spoke first. 

“What is everyone talking about, Beau?! What deal did you make in there?! Why are you making it sound like you’re saying goodbye?!”

Beau tried to smile at Jester as a way to say ‘it’s going to be okay. I’ve accepted this.’ But her tears betrayed her. “Because that was the deal Jester. Nott’s curse is broken and you’re all going to be okay. But I have to go. I’m going to be a loner. Like I used to be. Like I was meant to be.”

“Well that’s a stupid deal!” Jester practically yelled. “Go back in there and tell her you changed your mind! Undo it!”

“It doesn’t work that way Jester and you know it. The deal has already been made.”

“Why would you do that?!” Now Jester was yelling and had started crying. “You can’t just make this decision without talking to us! We could have figured something else out! We would have!” Jester pushed Beau in anger and shoved her back a few steps.

Beau closed the distance between them again and placed her hands on Jester’s shoulders. “This is the way it has to be. I have the least to lose. Nott has her husband and son. You have your mom who loves you so much and your dad who’s just starting to. Caduceus has his family and graveyard to get back to. Fjord has a future ahead of him with the Wild Mother by his side. Caleb and Yasha have both been through enough and I know they are going to accomplish great things trying to atone for it. Me? This is as good as it’s going to get for me. And it’s better than I ever thought it would get! The time I’ve spent with you, with all of you, it’s been amazing! More amazing than I ever could have imagined! But eventually it’s all going to end. At least this was I can do something good before it ends.”

“Don’t you want to stay?” Jester’s voice got quiet and cracked as she asked.

Beau’s heart felt like it cracked too. “Of course I want to stay! More than anything! Which is why she accepted the deal. She wants misery. And she’ll feed off mine.” 

“I won’t let you! We won’t let you! I’ll scry on you and send you messages! I won’t let you be alone again!”

Beau tried to smile. “You know that won’t work. If she can block whatever spell Caleb and Essek tried on Nott, a spell that as far as we know didn’t exist until they tried it, then she can block scrying and sending spells.”

Jester was out of ideas. Instead she lunged forward and wrapped Beau in her arms. Beau returned the hug with equal fervor. They held each other for a minute before Beau finally pulled back and Jester reluctantly let her. 

“I do not accept this,” Jester said, shaking her head through her tears. 

Beau placed her hands on the sides of Jester’s face. “I know.” She leaned forward and kissed Jester’s lips. “I love you, Jes. I love all of you,” she quickly addressed the entire group before she turned and walked away. 

She walked as fast as she could without it being considered a run. She didn’t look back to when she heard Jester screaming her name. She didn’t turn to see Yasha holding Jester back from running after her. Not that she would have been able to make out her friends through her tears. 

When she thought she was far enough away that her friends could no longer see her, she ran.


	2. 2 years, 4 months, and 18 days

When you’re a human in your 20s, a lot can change in a year. Not necessarily physically, save for the occasional wrinkle or gray hair depending on the levels of stress you endure, but in many other ways, you change. You mature. You grow wiser. You realize you don’t know everything and you learn to accept that. You learn what you’re good at. What you're bad at. You start to find yourself. 

In two years, even more can change. 

In two years, 4 months, and 18 days, you might not even recognize who you used to be. Especially if you spent a lot of that time in only your own company. 

That’s how long it had been since Beau had made the deal with the hag. But who was counting?

She spent the early days on her own, just traveling around the wilderness. The first few months were hard. She was alone. She missed her friends. Her found family. She hit such a low point. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing. And she was just so fucking lonely. 

Until one day she found herself standing at the top of cliff. She looked out at the vast view before her, sat down, and closed her eyes. She hadn’t really tried to meditate since that time at the ocean in Nicodranas. The thought sent a pang through her heart as she thought about the Mighty Nein. But she pushed it down and cleared her mind.

She focused on the cool breeze against her skin. The sounds of the birds and the rustling of trees. She took a few deep breaths. 

And then it hit her. Just because she couldn’t be with the people she loved the most, didn’t mean she had to be completely alone. She would still be holding up her end of the deal. The hag would still be able to feed off her misery, even if she wasn’t quite as miserable. 

She sat there longer than she expected to and when she finally opened her eyes, she was surprisingly calm. She got up and started walking. 

She was halfway to Shady Creek Run before she even knew where she was heading. She was there for a few days before she managed to find Keg. Keg was surprised, but excited to see her. They got drinks, and Beau got way too drunk and broke down about what had happened. Keg held her awkwardly through her tears and invited her to join her, her new girlfriend, and a few other friends as mercenaries for hire.

She stayed there for a few months. It was familiar, but didn’t meet up to her previous experience working in a group. Plus, they stayed in Shady Creek Run. Beau had never been good at staying in one place. 

She went back to Reani. Helped her defend her town. Went on the occasional expedition. But again, it was only so long before Beau got antsy and felt she had to leave. 

She just started traveling from city to city. She had enough money saved up from her time with the Mighty Nein and the jobs she’d done with Keg and Reani that she knew she’d be okay for a while. She still took odd jobs posted in taverns. Sometimes she worked alone, sometimes with others. Sometimes the others stayed the night, but not past the morning. 

She kept her ears open wherever she went listening for whispers or tales that could be the work of her family. She could never discern the rumors from the truth, but the knowledge that her friends were okay and still doing good was enough to make her smile.

After about a year, she had made her way to the Menagerie Coast. She couldn’t help but stop and meditate by the ocean and make her way to that tavern in Nicodranas. She knew it was risky. That there was a small chance her friends could be there. But she also knew that with the deal she had made, that it wasn’t going to happen. 

She did, however, find Orly and the rest if the crew of the Ball Eater there. Some of whom she recognized, many of whom she didn’t. The tortle greeted her warmly enough, telling her she was missed during the peace negotiations and that her friends had been very vague as to where she had been. Beau was also very vague about it, but convinced Orly to tell her all the details about what had gone down. He had also been at TravelerCon and filled Beau in on all the antics that had happened there. Beau smiled and laughed at the tales, but was holding back the tears of what she’s missed out on. She wondered if somewhere in the mountains outside of Kamordah, a hag was licking her lips, savoring Beau’s current pain.

It turned out Orly was on his own mission that required him to sail to another continent. Beau had never even entertained the idea that she’d ever see another continent. So she jumped on the chance. 

That’s how she ended up on Marquet. She really enjoyed Ank'Harel. The sun. The heat. The sand. It was unlike anything she had seen before. At first, it was quite a culture shock. But Beau was adaptable. She quickly learned the traditions and mannerisms of the people, and even picked up on a bit of the language. She spent too much time in the casinos, and too much money on the women. 

That wasn’t where her journey ended though. When she saw a job posting for a deck hand on an air ship?! Well she certainly wasn’t going to fucking pass that up! She used her knowledge of their time as pirates to make herself stand out amongst the others who were applying for the job. Apparently, air ships and sea ships weren’t as different as one might expect when it came to the parts she would be dealing with at least. She accepted the job before even finding out where they would be going. 

It turned out, sailing the sky was just as dangerous as sailing the sea. Her skills came in handy when they were attacked by sky pirates, of all things. She earned herself a bonus from the captain with that one. 

They eventually landed on Issylra. Her contract on the ship had only been a one way ticket, but the captain invited her to stay. As much as she enjoyed the ship and the sky, she already felt like it was time to move on. She wanted to get to know this new continent that she had only read of before. Plus, she had nearly been thrown out of the ship during the battle with the sky pirates. She saw herself plummeting to a painful death before one of the magic users also on board managed to pull her back. That was not an experience she wanted to repeat. So she said her goodbyes to the captain and crew and went on her way. 

And that’s how she eventually ended up in Vasselheim. Two years after shaking a hag’s hand. After saying goodbye to her friends. Her family. Everything she knew. Thinking about them didn’t hurt as much as it used to, but it still hurt. 

She found she liked Vasselheim. It wasn’t quite like any of the other cities she had been to and their dislike of arcane magic was a little weird. But she made a weird little home for herself here. She joined a guild called the Slayer's Take and got paid to kill monsters threatening the city. Once she was accepted as a member, they even had a place for her to stay. There were plenty of woods for her to run off to when she needed some time to be alone and self reflect. 

But most importantly, she found a new place to train. She hadn’t realized just how much she had missed it. Vasselheim did have a branch of the Cobalt Soul, but she avoided it. She didn’t think anyone would know who she was, but she wasn’t going to risk it. But there were plenty of other temples around. It was after she caught the eye of someone watching her during a pit fight that she found herself at the temple of the Stormlord. It seemed right. 

The man who had been watching her, who she had later followed to this temple, was an older man called Earthbreaker Groon. Beau immediately thought back to the last time she had fought an old man and cringed slightly. She still felt guilty about that. But she could easily tell by this man’s toned muscles that he was going to be a good fighter. And she was right. He completely kicked her ass. She held her own for a while, but his style of fighting was completely different from hers and Dairon’s. She did her best to adapt her skills to match his, but in the end, she ended up flat on her back. Bruised, broken, breathing heavily, and smiling. It was a true smile too. Something she hadn’t done in two years. 

Earthbreaker Groon allowed her to continue training at the temple of the Stormlord, referred to as the Trial Forge. She learned different fighting styles and techniques, and she learned a lot about the Stormlord. While she never became a woman of faith, she did enjoy learning more about the Stormlord. She felt like it allowed her to more deeply understand Yasha. She even started feeling comfort from storms as they past through the city.

Two years, 4 months, and 17 days after making her deal, she felt a weird, uncomfortable warmth trickle down her spine. No. That wasn’t right. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t exactly comforting either. It was weird and lingering. It made her feel like her ki was imbalanced. She decided to take some time in the woods to meditate and try to clear her mind and figure out why she was feeling so odd.

That’s why two years, 4 months, and 18 days after the worst day if her life, she found herself sitting on a rock in the mountains outside of Vasselheim. Legs crossed. Eyes closed. Breathing deeply and trying to push away that strange tingling that she could still feel on the back of her neck.

A lot can change in 2 years. She looked very similar save for a few things. Her hair was all one length and came to just past her shoulders. And she had more scars. Traveling alone a lot made you a target for bandits and beasts alike. Beau could hold her own, but when there were a lot of them, they could get in a few good hits. And without a cleric to immediately heal you up, scars happened much more often.

Beau reflected on all the other ways she had changed over the past 2 years. For one, she was meditating. And it was something she did often now. Whenever she needed to clear her mind. She was calmer and less antsy. She didn’t feel the need to run from her past anymore. She was more comfortable with who she was as a person and knew she had control over who she became. 

A cracking twig from behind her pulled her from her meditation. She immediately grabbed her staff and swung around, ready to fight whoever or whatever was trying to sneak up on her. She almost dropped it when she saw who was there.

It had to be a trick. An illusion. It couldn’t be who she thought it was. 

“Hi, Beau.”

Beau’s heart clenched at the familiar Nicrodranas accent coming from the blue tiefling standing in front of her. Jester was smiling, but hadn’t come any closer. Not sure what to expect.

Beau just shook her head. “This isn’t- You can’t be real. It’s not possible.” Her staff was still up, ready to fight whatever was trying to trick her.

“It is real, Beau. I promise you, it’s real!” She had tears in her eyes. “We built up our strength, gathered a few allies, and killed the hag! Just yesterday! Keg and Reani said to say ‘hi' by the way. They told us you had been to see them and that you were doing okay. But as soon as she was dead, all her deals broke. I could scry on you again! The first thing we wanted to do was come find you!”

Beau wanted to believe it, she really did, but she couldn’t. She loosened her grip on her staff but still didn’t lower it. “Prove it,” she said, her voice breaking.

Jester made a series of motions with her hands that Beau still remembered. She had seen her do it enough. So she wasn't surprised when she heard Jester's voice in her head. 

Beau. I promise you I’m really here! The last thing you did before leaving was kiss me! I’ve missed you so much and I love-

Oddly enough, it wasn’t Jester’s words that convinced Beau, but the fact that her message got cut off half way through. Beau dropped her staff and collapsed to the ground, hand thrown over her mouth to muffle the escaping sobs. She couldn’t believe this was happening. 

Jester ran over by her side and immediately wrapped her arms tightly around Beau. Beau clung back to her like a lifeline, crying like she hadn’t in two years. Her entire body shaking with sobs.

“I tried to scry on you every single day, Beau,” Jester whispered in her ear. “Well, every single day I had spells left. I tried to ask the Traveller but he kept telling me it was outside of his power. And then yesterday, after we killed her, I tried again. And it worked! I saw you and we immediately came! You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

When she finally stopped crying, Beau pulled back to really look at Jester. She kept a hand on her friend, afraid if she let go that Jester would disappear or it would turn out to all be a joke. She looked the same. She hadn’t even changed her hair in the past two years. The outfit was one Beau had never seen before, but was covered in dirt and blood. She too had a few new scars. Beau ran her fingers over a particularly bad looking one just above Jester’s collarbone. Jester mimicked the motion over a jagged one that was visible on Beau’s left side.

“I think we both have a lot of stories to tell the other,” Jester smiled, letting her hand linger on Beau’s side.

“This-" Beau started hesitantly, then paused. “This is real, isn’t it? It’s not some trick or joke or illusion? Because I don’t think I’d be able to survive that.”

Jester just smiled, placed her hands on either side of Beau’s face, and started to lean in. She gave Beau a moment in case she wanted to pull away. She didn’t. Despite the time, the other women she’d been with over the past 2 years, 4 months, and 18 days, seeing Jester again just rekindled all her old emotions. 

Jester pressed her lips to Beau’s as Beau closed her eyes. She tasted the same as she did all that time ago. Like cinnamon and a warm summer breeze. Beau breathed Jester in. Her taste, her smell, it was all 100% Jester. No dream or illusion could match it. 

When they finally pulled apart, tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes again, but she swallowed them down. “Where’s everyone else?” She asked, looking past Jester into the woods.

“Oh. Right. They should be here in a few hours,” Jester said before looking away sheepishly. “I, um… it was late last night when we teleported as close as we could get so Caleb conjured his mansion. Not just a dome, Beau! A whole freaking mansion! But once everyone was asleep, I snuck away and kept walking. I didn’t want you to be alone any longer than you had to be.”

“Jester! They’re probably all worried sick about you!”

“I told Yasha where I was going! She was the only one still awake when I left. She understood why I had to go. Point is, everyone will be here soon. But until then, I get a few hours with you all to myself,” she dragged Beau over to a nearby rock that they both leaned up against as Jester curled up against her side. “And I’m exhausted.” She closed her eyes.

Beau ran her fingers through Jester’s hair and kissed the top if her head. “Then get some sleep. We have all the time in the world now.”

“Oh! I almost forgot!” Jester sat up and immediately started rummaging through her pink haversack. Beau wondered what kind of enchantment Pumat Soul had put on it that it hadn’t faded in the slightest. “We kept these safe for you.” She pulled out a bundle of clothes and handed them to Beau.

They were her expositor robes. She had ditched them after only a few days, no longer wanting the reminder of what she could have had.

“I think Dairon’s planning on having a seriously long talk with you about your decision making, but I’m pretty sure they’ll let you be an expositor again.” Jester smiled and curled back into Beau’s side again. 

Beau draped the robes over their laps as a blanket before she wrapped one arm around Jester’s shoulders and intertwined her other hand with Jester’s. 

“I love you so much, Beau,” Jester said without opening her eyes.

“I love you, too, Jes.”

They were still holding onto each other when the rest of the Mighty Nein found them several hours later.


End file.
